Infected

January 13, 2014

Infected

Whether I'm writing publicly or purely for my own memorabilia, I never read over what was previously written before doing so. I find that the volatility of life tends to express itself more vigorously and humorously when the comparisons are made after. It is fascinating how in one point in time we may have uncontrollably and incomprehensibly experienced a certain emotion, believing, due to it's strength, that there is a certain permanence. However without conscious awareness this changes so rapidly and a few days or weeks later the mere thought of having had that experience seems utterly bizarre because what's prevalent in the present is so fundamentally different. All this blabbering does lead me to a point but I'm just trying to perhaps create a sense of familiarity with this phenomenon and how considerably more powerful experiences and moments are when one is aware of how through unpredictability, they change at an incomprehensible rate. So, despite this tendency not to reflect back before writing for my own amusement, I do however, when writing this, exactly two weeks before leaving Amsterdam, remember extremely vividly expressing my infatuation with this city within the first month of arriving here. I recall saying that I am convinced that the winter blues will not kill the romance of Amsterdam. So yes, to a certain extent, Amsterdam has transformed into a city with stark eerie looking trees, an allure of grey, a burning chill on the ears, occasional downpours and frowning faces on the bicycles as the riders battle with the elements of nature. However, the romance is still alive. Admittedly, having lived in a small concrete jungle for five months now, I do crave the smell of the ocean, the sand on my feet and the contours of the mountains. I am not a city girl at heart, however Amsterdam undoubtedly has a romance which will never cease to exist, one which I recognize, and will always appreciate and carry with me. When Oliver and Daniel came to visit me from South Africa for 9 days, having admittedly desensitized slightly to the likes of the city, experiencing it once again from the eyes of a bewildered first-timer, it took me right back to the euphoria I felt when first setting foot in Amsterdam city and it is due to this that I can boldly claim, come sunshine or rain, Amsterdam continues to elicit it's rare captivation.

In exactly two weeks I leave this life behind. Bittersweet is the only explanation I can possibly muster for how this makes me feel. I am exceptionally excited to be home however terrified of the permanence attached to saying goodbye. Of course I know that at some point I might perhaps find myself back in the streets of Amsterdam, however everything that has characterized the past 5 months is left with a goodbye of permanence. For someone like myself who has never been in a situation such as this before, where with more experience one becomes somewhat used to meeting people and having to say goodbye, it terrifies me that this comfort zone and feeling of extreme settlement will no longer exist in two weeks. Yet, as strong as this feeling persists, as strong is my desire to be reunited with my people back home and delve into life in the beautiful city of Cape Town.

I am extremely aware that I perhaps tend to over-exaggerate the in's and out's of life and perhaps for those that simply go through the motions without giving it much thought might find my overly sentimental tendencies slightly bizarre or even humorous. However it is simply in my nature to do so, this in combination with the fact that for the first time I lived by myself in a foreign country, leaving me with ample time to think and think harder has led to give some thought to a few things which I have come to learn in the past five months - whether it be seemingly mundane and futile, or truly significant:

-Panic slows things down.

-Connections - those rare occurrences when among countless possibilities, you end up with someone who knows you without the conscious effort of you trying to have them get to know you - hold onto those.

-Love in abundance. I'm not talking only about romantic love. Just love. Show it and express it. Don't hold back.

-SACRIFICE

-Life is a series of present moments. The past and future are merely fragments of the imagination, be careful not to live in your imagination as opposed to in reality.

- DANCE. Just do, don't think about it.

As a last note note, despite being wildly attached to South Africa, and Cape Town city, an attachment which admittedly grew stronger having lived in another city, it is undeniable that the travel bug has bitten. I have undoubtedly been infected with the desire to continue to experience. Amsterdam is a city infested with diversity. A diversity which has truly opened my mind and placed me in situations where I have met and communicated with people from all ends of the globe, and I couldn't be more infatuated with this cultural phenomenon. It is incredible stepping outside of the box which you presume to define normality and realizing that these habits and tendencies are only 'normal' to you. Therefore despite knowing that my heart will always be at home in South Africa, I cannot deny the fire which has been lit in my soul to venture out. To expand, to be placed in peculiar, divergent and diverse circumstances.

The festive season in Amsterdam was truly incredible but without delving into too much detail I'l share some photo memories of what the past month consisted of.